soul searching

Today I’ve been doing a bit of “soul searching”. I’m at an interesting point in life and don’t really know whats going to happen…in any aspect of my life really. I’m applying for jobs and trying to land one, but so far it seems I’m not getting much further than a first round interview. I either don’t want the jobs that I’m qualified for or I’m not qualified for the jobs I want. I’m applying for everything from HR to Marketing to Retail Merchandising to Event Planning and everything in between. I’m applying everywhere from NY to Boston to Florida to Milwakee to Dallas to Baltimore in every industry I can think of. I’m at a loss of what to do, but what’s weird…I don’t care all so much. I mean, yea, I want a job, but I’m not as hard pressed to find one as a lot of my peers are and it’s not the first thing I think about when I have time to get stuff done. A lot of times I’m not even sure I know what I want to do. What bothers me the most about this is I don’t know where I’ll be living in 3 months. That’s what I care about, where will I be living and who will I be with…not what I’ll be doing.

Then there’s the whole school thing I still need to deal with. In high school, I was the sophomore with senioritis. As a freshman in college, I thought I brought it with me from high school. And now as a senior I’ve decided to buckle down as a student? Like really buckle down and say school comes first…usually. Last semester my friends found it amusing that I used to tell them to stop worrying about school work, and this time, they needed to move my books aside and drag me outside. I figured that would just last a semester or so, but no, it lasted and is still lasting into my final semester. I have yet to go out on a school night…I don’t know that I could ever say that has been true.

And I keep thinking about the fact that I am going to Long Island on Friday for my cousin to get married. Catch is, it’s not just any cousin, it is the cousin closet in age to me…like 10 weeks older than me. That’s a bit scary. She’s already graduated from college and is working on her Masters and PhD.

I guess it’s just that I think I’m behind, but I’m not really. My friends have job offers, but they are doing work that bores me, my friends that have my major don’t have jobs. Many of my friends know where they are going to be living, but they have job offers and honestly, I’ll be happy living anywhere. And Lisa’s getting married…I don’t want to be there yet, but I guess it would be nice to have someone there to lean on all the time….

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