a year later

Exactly one year ago I graduated from college. 100 days before that I blogged about what lay ahead…I didn’t know(it’s actually my first blog here). I had no idea where I was going to be and what I was going to be doing after college came to an end. Well graduation came and went, and I still didn’t know any of it. I stayed in Boston for a day or two and then moved back to Connecticut to try and figure it out. Today I am sitting here still trying to figure it out. I’m beginning to think that nothing is ever going to be as easy as it once was.

Life used to be simple, regardless of how I felt at the time. Years ago life was so simple that I didn’t even have to pick out my clothes. When I was little mom did everything for me. She put my hair in rollers every day for over a year because I wanted curly hair like her. My outfit was picked out for me every day. My play dates were set up for me. The biggest decision that faced me was what snack I wanted after school. As I grew up I started becoming more responsible for some of my own decisions. I picked out my own outfits. I decided what sports I wanted to play.

Regardless of the decisions I made, life was relatively simple. Everything was laid out and the next stage in life was going to come as soon as it was due. I went from “My” Nursery School to Veterans Park to East Ridge to Ridgefield High without thinking about anything. I received penance, my First Holy Communion and Confirmation when the nuns decided it was going to happens. I got my license 120 days after I turned 16 because that’s when I was allowed to get it. Even when it was time for me to make the first real decision in life I knew that I was still going to move onto the next stage. Just over five years ago I needed to decide where to go to college. It took me four months to decide, but I knew that no matter what I was going to college. I always kept taking the next step in the path of life.

When I was three-years-old, I decided I wanted to be like my dad and become a lawyer. When I was eight-years-old, I decided I wanted to be a sports lawyer. When I started looking at colleges, I looked at good business schools with Economics majors. Why did I want to be an Econ major? Because when I started looking at schools I learned that Econ majors tend to score highest on the LSATs. I took AP Econ in high school because that would help if I wanted to major in it. I never took a single Econ class in college. I was 19-years-old when I realized I was on a path I had set out for myself when I was three-years-old and that I never once questioned where I was headed. I changed my major a couple times, got some internships and just kept going.

The other day I realized that I don’t know where I’m headed. I’m not the path I picked when I was three-years-old. I was on that path for so long, I don’t know what all my other options are. I know I’m on a path and I’m headed somewhere but I have no idea where that somewhere is.

465 days ago I hoped to land on my feet after being thrown out into the great big world. I can’t say I stuck the landing, but at least I seem to be holding my own for now. Looking back, it’s weird to see how much I’ve changed since then, but how much I’m still the same person. The last 100 days of college was crazy; so much happened in a short period of time and it flew by. The last 365 days, my first year in the “real world” have been crazy; so much has happened and it’s flown by. I wasn’t ready for the real world then and I’m still not ready for all of it even now that I’m there. I miss the comfort of knowing what lies ahead but I thrive for the unknown. I may not know what lies ahead or where I’m headed but I have figured out some things.

  • I thought I had 100 days to grow up. I have know realized it’s not necessary to grow up and change. It’s important to stay true to being young and having fun, otherwise, how are you going to make it through all the tough stuff that the real world has in store for each of us?
  • I thought I needed to be prepared for the real world. I’ve learned that no matter what, you will never be prepared for everything. But that’s what makes it fun. Every day there’s a new challenge ahead and something new to learn.
  • I thought that the real world would just kinda flow along as everything else always has. I could never be more wrong. I need to work for everything. All the little things in life and everything I always took for granted now mean a lot to me and I value what is truly important in life: time spent with friends and family and doing things you believe in.

So here’s to tomorrow, to learning new things, to overcoming challenges, to staying young while growing older, and here’s to the rest; it’s going to come whether I’m ready or not.

I’m back

So I have been thinking about this for a while and I have decided I really do want to come back and start blogging again. I know I’ve said this before, but the last few months I have had a strong urge to do it and at least now I have some time for it. Plus, being in the real world, I now feel that I have a lot to say about some topics.

So quick recap from my last posts…I graduated from college last May. I moved home to Connecticut and took the summer off to relax, lifeguard and figure out life. In the process of figuring out what I wanted to do and where I wanted to be, the economy plummeted and took the job market with it. In a freak turn of events, I ended up with tickets to opening night of the Rangers game with my dad; I took his phone to reply to a message from my cousin’s husband and ended up with a job. I work for a freight cargo company in Manhattan and even though its not my dream job, I have a job and I usually enjoy it. Plus I’m learning a lot about an industry I knew nothing about.

Even though I spend at least two-thirds of my day sleeping, commuting and working, I have realized that besides the college life style, Boston and of course my friends, what I really miss is the conversations I had in my sociology classes. I miss questioning why people do what they do. I miss debating what is in fact the norm. I miss having to think, like really think, about things that really matter in this world. So that’s what I’m dedicating this to; a place for me to vent and share about what I view going on in the world around me.

soul searching

Today I’ve been doing a bit of “soul searching”. I’m at an interesting point in life and don’t really know whats going to happen…in any aspect of my life really. I’m applying for jobs and trying to land one, but so far it seems I’m not getting much further than a first round interview. I either don’t want the jobs that I’m qualified for or I’m not qualified for the jobs I want. I’m applying for everything from HR to Marketing to Retail Merchandising to Event Planning and everything in between. I’m applying everywhere from NY to Boston to Florida to Milwakee to Dallas to Baltimore in every industry I can think of. I’m at a loss of what to do, but what’s weird…I don’t care all so much. I mean, yea, I want a job, but I’m not as hard pressed to find one as a lot of my peers are and it’s not the first thing I think about when I have time to get stuff done. A lot of times I’m not even sure I know what I want to do. What bothers me the most about this is I don’t know where I’ll be living in 3 months. That’s what I care about, where will I be living and who will I be with…not what I’ll be doing.

Then there’s the whole school thing I still need to deal with. In high school, I was the sophomore with senioritis. As a freshman in college, I thought I brought it with me from high school. And now as a senior I’ve decided to buckle down as a student? Like really buckle down and say school comes first…usually. Last semester my friends found it amusing that I used to tell them to stop worrying about school work, and this time, they needed to move my books aside and drag me outside. I figured that would just last a semester or so, but no, it lasted and is still lasting into my final semester. I have yet to go out on a school night…I don’t know that I could ever say that has been true.

And I keep thinking about the fact that I am going to Long Island on Friday for my cousin to get married. Catch is, it’s not just any cousin, it is the cousin closet in age to me…like 10 weeks older than me. That’s a bit scary. She’s already graduated from college and is working on her Masters and PhD.

I guess it’s just that I think I’m behind, but I’m not really. My friends have job offers, but they are doing work that bores me, my friends that have my major don’t have jobs. Many of my friends know where they are going to be living, but they have job offers and honestly, I’ll be happy living anywhere. And Lisa’s getting married…I don’t want to be there yet, but I guess it would be nice to have someone there to lean on all the time….

The Edge

So I just came from my sociology class, it’s called Sociology of the Edge. We had to write a paper for today’s class with our reactions and thoughts after reading The Perfect Storm. A lot was going through my head when I wrote my paper and even more was going through my head today when we used the talking stick. We ust this stick so that everyone can speak freely without fear of interruption. People talked about how they didn’t know how the people on land we able to go on and how they were able to go on with no closure when someone died at sea. Some talked about what its like to live on the edge. And some people just talked about nothing in particular.

We then talked about the next book we are about to read, Tuesdays with Morrie. I know that this is supposed to be a good book and all that stuff and everyone i know who’s read it loves it. But honestly, I don’t want to read this book. I don’t want to think about the fact that my grandfather is dying. I don’t want to relive what it’s like to burry your loved ones. I just don’t want to touch this topic. Hell, I even avoided this topic in my paper for today as best I could. I just don’t like death and I don’t want to deal with it. Some people may think that this is just me going through depression or whatever, but no, I’ve moved on. I’ve accepted that my loved ones who have passed are dead and they have moved on to something better. I get that. I just don’t want to talk about it because I don’t want to think about when the next time will be. I’m not denying my grandfather is ill and basically on his death bed, I just don’t need a constant reminder of it.

But the one thing I am interested in reading is how this guy lives his life at the end. I have been told that he tells you to live your life and don’t be afraid of death. Honestly, I’m not. I’m not afraid to die today if that’s God’s plan for me. I mean, yes I would like to live a good, long life, but I can only do the best with what I’m dealt. I think I was 11 when I learned that life is too short and made a decision to never regret anything that I do. Some people think this is the stupidest way to live, but why not? I have fun, I enjoy life and I don’t dwell in the past wishing to change things I did. I am who I am today because of every decision I have made in life and even though I may have some rough times, I love the person I am, I love the person I am becoming and I wouldn’t do anything to change where I’m at.

I got an e-mail from my dad today titled “Fwd: WoW this hits home”, and it did. It had 21-life lessons that everyone should know and it really did hit home. Some of my favorites are…

ONE. Give people more than they expect and do it cheerfully…SEVEN. Believe in love at first sight…EIGHT. Never laugh at anyone’s dream. People who don’t have dreams don’t have much…THIRTEEN. When someone asks you a question you don’t want to answer, smile and ask, ‘Why do you want to know?’…FOURTEEN. Remember that great love and great achievements involve great risk…SIXTEEN. When you lose, don’t lose the lesson…TWENTYONE. Spend some time alone.”

and so, the final countdown begins…

So I’ve been thinking a lot that I need to start blogging again. It was something I did when I lived in Dublin and it helped me decompress while keeping friends at home in the know. As I sit here pregamming for senior pub night, I can’t help but think about when one of my best friends, Jenna, said to me earlier. She told me about her blog she wrote today and how in kindergarden she remembers celebrating the 100th day of school and tonight we are celebrating being 100 calendar days away from being college graduates, whether we like it or not. I too celebrated the 100th day of school when I was in kindergarden…at VP we did it every year ’til the 3rd grade I believe.